Fair warning: lots of colorful language and a few emotional tangents. Some of which may or may not be the kind of thing you want to read.
So for awhile I was planning on revealing this blog on my other social media which, over time, turned out to be less and less feasible. While most of the content here is pretty innocuous, I do appreciate the opportunity to get a little more personal every now and then. More personal, perhaps, than would be welcome to my immediate friends and family. Besides, if I keep them separate, it creates the chance for this blog to grow entirely on it’s own momentum without relying on large numbers of people who know me irl.
With that disclaimer out of the way, I’m going to go ahead and say that for years I’ve struggled with alcoholism. For nearly a decade I was very good at hiding it and, while it never interfered with my job, it did take a toll on my mental health and relationships. And lately I’ve been sober for longer than I have been in almost ten years.
When one starts to distance themselves from substance abuse it’s interesting to revisit the things that you used to experience often while under the influence. While one may remember what it was like to be a heavy user, it’s interesting to go back to things from that time with a sober frame of reference.
This brings us to the concert video and live album Showtime, Storytime by the Finnish symphonic metal band Nightwish. Between 2013 and 2015, I would often watch the whole thing on YouTube from beginning to end. Not that I didn’t appreciate Nightwish while sober- I absolutely do, but for some reason that particular concert recording had a special resonance for super-wasted Ailix. No clue why. Anyway, I was putzing around the internet a few days ago and I came across a few clips of my favorite songs from that concert, which led me to buy the live album on iTunes. So here we are, with a disjointed live-blogged listening party-
We start, then, with Dark Chest of Wonders and Wish I Had an Angel. When I first started listening to Nightwish, it was a few years after the release of Dark Passion Play and a person I was in a relationship with at the time swore up and down that Annette Olzon was horrible and the memory of Nightwish should begin and end with Tarja Turunen. I soon learned that this issue was widely dividing Nightwish fans at the time. By nature I’m sometimes inclined to be contrary, though, and I didn’t sample any of Tarja’s work until years later.
When I did finally listen to Once, Tarja’s final Nightwish album and one of their most beloved by fans, I was very pleasantly blown away. Put simply, it made me feel like I was chopping heads off from horseback on a medieval battlefield, which I know many Nightwish fans can relate to. While I appreciated the opening two tracks (Wonders+Angel) they’re far from the strongest part of Once. Nonetheless they made my little high-fantasy loving heart giddy. Wish I Had an Angel reminded me of a Final Fantasy boss fight. As I listen now with sober ears, I’m loving the difference between Tarja and the vocalist on this recording, Floor Jansen. Particularly the non-verbal notes while bassist Marko takes the vocal foreground during the chorus. The original album recording had this intense, narrowed feel, which definitely suits the song, but I love how the open feeling of the live setting gives it some energetic breathing room.
And now we’re at She Is My Sin, which I never heard before, and so far so good. To my recently detoxed brain, it’s apparent that Floor Jansen is adept at straddling a middle ground between Tarja’s classical vocal acrobatics and Olzon’s rock / musical theater voice. This particular song is well-suited to that middle ground, as it doesn’t straddle genre’s in the blatant way that Nightwish is famous for. A conventional bottom-line of rock is a good idea in a song that has a lot in common with ordinary heavy metal with a few more flamboyant symphonic flourishes here and there.
GHOST RIVER!!!!!!!!!!!! Love this song from Imaginaerum! Both the vocals and the instrumentals straddle metal and musical theater. I can easily imagine this in a high-fantasy video game or a supernatural cinematic musical with a nice fat budget. Marko and Floor (also Olzon on the original) sound like they could easily be playing characters. I have seen the film Imaginaerum and there were a few cool, dramatic visual interpretations, but I sorta felt the absence of Ghost River. And holy sh!t do I ever love Marko on this song. One of the things I really loved about Imaginaerum the album is how it kept the symphonic metal blend while creating something that sounded a little more suited to a cinematic musical, maybe something with a bit of irreverent whimsy, a cinematic musical by Darren Arronofsky, Julie Taymor, Terry Gilliam or maybe the Watchoskis or an animated film by Henry Selick. With a plot dealing with the transmigration of souls and the afterlife, of course.
Hey there, Ever Dream. I fucking love this song. I want to make a movie or a video game just so I could use Ever Dream in the trailer. I’d say, for this live album, we’re staying in the milieu of Ghost River with this choice. While the electric guitars seem a little more noticeable in this song (is that just me?) it’s still at that experimental cinematic musical sweet spot. Aaaaaagh I almost can’t assess this live recording rationally. I remember being super-wasted and wishing with my whole heart that I was Floor Jansen while I watched her sing this song. Jesus fucking Christ why is the original studio recording of this song so fucking hard to find on the American market BLAAARRRGGHHHHjfiadjfilksjaefj;oiejfoijiJOLDJFDSKFLSFIJSEEOIHF
Alrighty, what next. Storytime, shit yeah. My favorite single from the Annette Olzon era. Very Henry Selick, Arronofsky and Taymor. Listening to Imaginaerum is sort of like listening to the freeware Smashing Pumpkins album Teargarden by Kaleidyscope, Mechanical Animals or Holy Wood by Marilyn Manson, Halfaxa or Visions by Grimes, Flowers and Formaldehyde by Sopor Aeternus or the Silent Hill 4 soundtrack. I actually heard the SH4 soundtrack before playing the game and it stands on it’s own as an album so fucking well. But yeah, like those other albums, it’s like I can feel and sort of see a story going through my head as I listen to Imaginaerum or any version of any song from it.
I Want My Tears Back is on now. Was this song released ahead of the Imaginaerum album, promotional style? Like, around the same time as they dropped Storytime as a single? I think I heard it ahead of the album and I was sort of…doubtful, at the time. It reminded me a little too much of The Islander. As if they were trying to squeeze a formula for all it was worth. It made me afraid that the album was going to be trying to milk the concept of a Celtic-sound with Marko singing lead in a completely cynical way. Luckily I was wrong. Not that I dislike The Islander- I love that shit, it’s just that my gimmick hackles went up a little when I heard I Want My Tears Back ahead of Imaginaerum. A part of me sort of wishes Annette stayed around longer. Maybe I should check out what she’s doing with the Dark Element. Oh well. Pretty sweet shredding on this live version.
Nemo! Sh!t yeah. One of the more luxuriously visual songs from Once. With a lot of frank literary references in music and other mediums, I don’t instinctively think of any literal expression of the original. Which is good- making something your own goes a long way. When I listen to this, though, I either think of vampires or the version of Captain Nemo from Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comics. Anna-Varney Cantodea couldn’t resist riffing on 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea either, on the A Strange Thing To Say EP. The title track from A Strange Thing To Say– that is some shit I would love to see live if Anna-Varney ever broke her rule about never performing.
Aaaaaand what do we have here? Ooooh cool. Last of the Wilds. Either I never saw / heard this back when I was drinking whiskey and vodka like there was no tomorrow or I blacked it out. I fucking love that intro though. Very different from the Dark Passion Play original. I’m kinda liking this better than the original, honestly. Aaaaahh Nightwish, you’re so fucking perfect. I’m checking out Endless Forms Most Beautiful. I was grossed out early on when they had bitchy stupid anti-feminist douchebag Richard Dawkins doing a spoken word segment at first, but I think I can get over that. Sam Harris kept his intellectual integrity and passion for philosophy for years before he sold out to the right in the wake of the 2016 election, so I’m willing to believe that the so-called Brights of yesteryear aren’t all bad. That dude was so much cooler back when he was talking about the philosophical dimensions of neurological research and meditation and, you know, not giving platforms to amoral, fascist-friendly dipshits like Jordan Peterson and Charles Murray.
Bless the Child! I either scorched that part of my memory clear with alcohol back then or I never saw it. Very cool so far, though. The chugging metal guitar and Floor Jansen’s non-verbal singing in the beginning makes me think of the opening of a horror-themed action movie from the eighties or early nineties. Something with colorful magic creatures and demons and vampires and shit. I’m getting a self-contained vibe from it- possibly for no better reason than that I never heard it in the context of its original album -but I’m liking that effect. Like a flash-fiction story or something. I think this is gonna end up being something that I listen to all the damn time like Ever Dream.
Oh hey, Marko is addressing the audience, talking about a previously established tradition I know nothing about, involving a recitation of an open letter to either an imaginaery or hypothetical significant other. Is that the tradition, or is the live recording of the DVD the tradition? Hm. The dude loves sausages, apparently, and with that disclosure we will proceed to Romanticide.
Already I’m loving the different feel that Floor Jansen is adding. I don’t know if this is her, the soundboard arrangement of the recording or both, but I feel like her voice is more in the foreground and it’s giving this song way more personality than the original. I think this was something the former significant other (from the beginning of the post, remember her?) and I used to go the rounds over. She’s actually a classically trained soprano and a music nerd’s music nerd. As such, she was able to appreciate the operatic chops of Tarja Turunen better than I could. Anyway, I’m loving it when Floor get’s guttural with her voice- and holy shit, did the drums sound that good on the original? Holy shit, sweet skin-pounding with Marko singing while Floor does that sweet fucking dramatic metal snarl with her huge-ass voice.
Oh hey, Amaranth! That’s pretty cool. The call-and-response with the crowd is a neat touch. For a giant horde of randos, they sound pretty good. Sorta like Dark Chest of Wonders, though, this is kind of a typical metal song which has it’s own set of limits. That call-and-response with Floor’s delicious enthusiasm gives an exhilarating sense of the hugeness of the venue and the performance. Gaaahhh I’m won over, this totally mops of the floor with the original album version.
GHOST LOVE SCORE SHIT YAAAAZZZZZZ!!!!!!!! Fuck yeah. I remember listening to this song a lot around the time I was reading the Anne Rice book Cry To Heaven and I instinctively associate it with Tonio Treschi and his gradual climb toward vengeance near the end. And it’s such a gloriously huge sounding song and with so many other songs on this album I think of gloriously explosive high-fantasy chaos, but Ghost Love Score reminds me of Cry To Heaven of all damn things. I guess it also kinda makes me think of things that were happening around that time. I had just come back to my hometown and I was struggling with this dread that I may have to be totally closeted for the rest of my life and just acclimate myself to sneaky, fearful, private crossdressing and alcoholism. Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s strong emotional connotations there. I had to reiterate my promise to myself not to commit suicide like every damn day, only to break that promise years later. And then pick up the pieces after that particular disaster.
And holy shit, does Floor ever make this song her fucking own. This woman is a fucking miracle of a singer. Someone needs to cast her as a swash-buckling dark anti-hero in a high fantasy cinematic musical. Maybe some sort of bad-ass, brooding, gothy super-heroine version of Gerda in a dramatically interpretative movie-musical adaptation of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Snow Queen.
Song of Myself! One of my absolute favorites from the intoxicated nights of hard liquor and dark, dramatic music! And of course her voice is this total personification of a blood-letting superheroine. I mean, I really do appreciate the work Annette Olzon did with the band, but if Tuomas & co. decided to re-record the two Annette Olzon albums with Floor, I’d be okay with that. This live version dispenses with the spoken word segments that were at the end of the album version, which I can live with. The thing with mediums like rock bands, where you are expected to do live versions of old material regularly, it makes sense that you’d have to reinterpret them every now and then to suit the band’s current creative swing and the sensibilities and aptitudes of any personnel changes. Some musical acts are absolutely amazing at that. This one, for example.
Our next song is Last Ride of the Day. I’m fucking ready. The back and forth between Floor and Marko is fucking awesome in this version, and I feel like this is sort of a return to the same feel that the live version of Ghost River had earlier but more pounding and urgent. Aaaahhh the fireworks. Sigh. I remember that from the YouTube video(s).
And we’re closing with the Imaginaerum outro. I don’ think I ever stuck around for this back when I was drinking. I can tell things are happening on stage from the crowd noises. This is a nice little breather, easing us out of the listening experience. Which I appreciate. I mean, I figured Showtime, Storytime would hold up well from a sober perspective but goddamn. I’m definitely gonna be playing the shit out of this album.